What Time Is It??????

2008 and counting......

One of the perks of having your own blog is you can write anything you want-even when you're drunk in the middle of the night. Not that I'm drunk-I passed drunk awhile ago. I'm now in a state of drunk-reflection. Not a good place to be. While in this place I tend to remember the things I want to forget and forget the things I want to remember. You know what I mean. You've been there. If you haven't then you should not try and impress you're friends and co-workers with your tall tales of "I was soooooo fucked up I (insert daring deed here)"

Anyway I want to wish anyone that gives a rats ass Happy New Year! If anyone is reading this right now I'm out of vodka and smokes! Any help would be appreciated.

I'll now leave you with this thought...............

Jimbo Fisher Update

I just got home from a Christmas party where there were some pretty big WVU supporters in attendance. I don't have a lot of time to explain but here it is-The Jimbo Fisher aquisition was all but a done deal. At the last minute the WVU offer was lowered from $1.5 million to $1 million, apparently by none other than your favorite AD Ed Pastilong. The question on everyone's mind is does he have the authority to do that? And if so why? More to come as it develops.

Say It Ain't So Jimbo!

It seems to be official. Florida State Offensive Coordinator and Clarksburg, WV native Jimbo Fisher has declined any offer to coach football at West Virginia University. Fisher will likely succeed Bobby Bowden as the next FSU Head Football Coach. This ends a weekend of speculation, false reports, confirmed "un-named sources" and bar rumors that Fisher was on his was to Morgantown. I actually had someone tell me last night that he had already bought a home at Cheat Lake.

Things must be pretty bad at WVU when Fisher would rather stay at a school that recently suspended 36 players for academic cheating. It's yet to be seen what sanctions the NCAA will levy against the Seminoles, but they tend to take this kind of thing very seriously. A similar incident in 2000 involving the Minnesota basketball team resulted in that program being put on probation for four years.

So instead of "coming home" and taking a head coaching job that would immediately double his $650,000 a year salary, Fisher would rather take his chances with a program that has been steadily failing for the last few years. If Florida St. is placed on probation his recruiting will suffer dramatically. And with the thugs he already has it's likely that he will be coaching players wearing ankle bracelets! By the time he gets that program turned around, if he ever does, he might be older than Jo Pa.

Yet even with all this going on he would still rather stay at Florida State. That begs the question "How bad is a coaching position at WVU?" It seems that what I wrote in an earlier post about the entire Athletic Department needing an overhaul may be true.

With the recent departure of Rich Rodriguez and the loss of a quality replacement like Jimbo Fisher, it's likely WVU will wind up hiring an under-qualified, overpaid coach.

Maybe Ed Pastilong can convince old "Redneck Don" to quit his current job of recruiting for Michigan and once again

patrol the sidelines of Puskar Stadium.

Golly gee! Wouldn't that be swell? Shucks, I'll bet he could snag that BCS trophy quicker than catchin' carp off the trestle in Maidsville!

SHAAZAAM !!!

WVU-Redneck and Proud!

In a desperate attempt to motivate the West Virginia University football team in their upcoming Fiesta Bowl game with Oklahoma, someone dumber than a bag of dirt (Ed Pastilong?) allowed former Coach Don Nehlen to address the team. Nehlen is best known for having really good teams that compiled really good regular season records against mediocre opponents only to get their asses kicked in a bowl game.

Here's just a sample of the Nehlen era-I can still remember a game against Miami in 1996. The undefeated Mountaineers led 7-3 and faced fourth down at their own 30 in the game's closing seconds. Miami was out of timeouts, so the Mountaineers just needed to get off a punt to win the game. Everyone who knows a football field is 100 yards long knew that the smart play was to snap the ball to the punter and have him run out of the end zone giving Miami a safety and 2 points but sealing a victory for the Mountaineers. Well Nehlen had other ideas and decided to actually punt the ball. Stupid move #1. The Hurricanes' had a player named Tremain Mack, who I believe was leading the nation in blocked punts. Nehlen decided to block this guy one-on-one not with a tight end or lineman or running back. In a move that can only be described as delusional, Nehlen's chosen blocker was David Saunders. Stupid move #2. Now Saunders was a great wide receiver. He was not recruited for his blocking prowess. And against the likes of Tremain Mack he was over matched. Long story short.....Mack blocks the punt, the 'Canes score a touchdown and WVU's perfect season is gone. I remember seeing Nehlen's face on TV as the play unfolded. He had a look like he was asking himself "They did what? We lost? I have to remember to breathe!". Under Nehlen WVU finished the regular season 8-3 and lost the Gator Bowl to North Carolina. Great game coach..........

Nehlen is a lot of things but a motivational speaker he is not. His backwoods, gosh darn way of speaking is like a foreign language to today's players. Here's a quote from his meeting with the players from this afternoon. "Hey gang, you've got to understand that this football program is a heck of a lot bigger than Rich Rodriguez. This football program is a heck of a lot bigger than Don Nehlen. This program is a heck of a lot bigger than Bobby Bowden and all the other guys that have coached here," .

Hey gang? Golly gee! Gosh darn you fellas gotta try. WTF-The only thing missing is Shazaam! What a hypocritical redneck! This is the same guy that encouraged Rodriguez to take the Michigan job. It's no wonder that the WVU Athletic Department is in such a state of confusion. Nehlen couldn't motivate starving people to look for a free buffet!

Interim Coach Bill Stewart told the media yesterday that the team needs to "carry the mail". Does he honestly think his 18 to 22 year old players know what that means? These guys should be in a re-make of the Andy Griffith Show. Just go ahead and re-name Morgantown Mayberry!

The Mitchell Report

Well I thought I'd take a break from the WVU football and Rich Rodriguez quagmire and post my thoughts on the Mitchell Report concerning steroid use in Major League Baseball.

NOBODY CARES!!!

Doesn't Congress have anything better to do than stick its' nose into MLB? Here's a thought......there is a war in Iraq, gasoline prices are skyrocketing, global warming, and don't forget those starving kids Sally Struthers is trying to save. Do the people on Capitol Hill think that the average middle class American wakes up in the morning wondering if Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, etc. stuck a syringe in their ass while they were sleeping? OMG-Get a grip people! Most of us are trying to pay our daily bills and keep the heat on untill April or May! As far as I'm concerned they can pass out HGH like stale bread at a soup kitchen. Overpaid, egomaniac athletes trying to extend their careers should not be on any political agenda. I'm tired now and trying to figure out if this is worth it. So screw you Mitchell. Screw you Congress. Screw you MLB. And if Sally haden't gotten fat I'd screw her too!

Rodriguez Resigns......AGAIN

Dateline Morgantown, WV

In a bold move to, well I don't have a clue why, ex WVU football coach Rich Rodriguez submitted his second resignation in less than a week. Athletic Director Ed Pastilong confirmed this earlier this evening in a press release. That's more work than he has done in the last six months.

Now I'm no lawyer but if you quit once and your employer accepts it doesn't that mean you have, well, quit? This drama just keeps getting better by the hour.

What bothers me is not the fact that he left but the manner in which he did it. Everything was "cloak and dagger". I tend to agree with the University's stance that he was looking for a way out when he met with them last Friday. I'm not sure there is anything they could have done to keep him. But why couldn't this all have waited until after the Fiesta Bowl? Sure Michigan needed a coach-but we're talking 2 weeks here. And I don't think there was a line of coaches outside of Bill Martins' door begging for the job. Nothing like this happens that fast. I would say that Rich Rod and Michigan have been planning this for some time-at least since before the Pitt game. And where oh where was Ed Pastilong while this was going on? Am I supposed to believe that the AD of a major D1 school is that clueless? That he has such a fractured relationship with his coaches and staff that he can't smell the barn burning? If so then he is utterly incompetent. Nice guy-but obviously not qualified to do his job. Maybe Pres. Garrison should gather up a group of professors and conduct a midnight raid to kidnap Bill Martin. He might be an unethical sleaze but at least he doesn't try and hide it. This might be a good time to clean house top to bottom and get some people in the WVU Athletic Department that realize it's the 21'st Century.

And once they do take their jobs they should be held accountable for their actions-or lack thereof.

Rich Rodriguez Press Conference

BREAKING NEWS

In his first move as the new football coach at the University of Michigan, Rich Rodriguez has named "Dinky" as his Offensive Coordinator. Dinky has had extensive experience in the fast food industry but has not seen a football field since he was ejected from a game in 1998 for urinating on a goal post. Ever the innovator, Rodriguez was quoted as saying "Dinky is one of the best play callers in college football. His game day skills are unmatched." Dinky is best known for the "Taco Dive" offense he introduced when he was an assistant locker room coach at Schmengle Business College. His offense helped lead the "Schmengle Secretaries" to a 6-5 record in the "Who Gives A Damn" conference in 1992. When asked how he would deal with the likes of Ohio State and Notre Dame, Dinky responded "Hey homes, those pendejos' ain't seen sh** yet! Now get that fu*k**g tape recorder out of my face. You a cop dude?"

Coach Rodriguez has yet to name the remaining positions on his staff but reports indicate that he has contacted his long time friend and defensive genius Chico "The Blade" Juarez, who is up for parole in March 2008. Michigan fans have much to look forward too as Spring Practice is fast approaching.

WVU Attacked Again by Michigan

Once again West Virginia has been shot through the heart by the state of Michigan. After last years kidnapping of WVU basketball coach John Beilein, the University of Michigan under the direction of its' Athletic Director Bill Martin, managed to steal away football coach Rich Rodriguez. Now you would think that after the Beilein episode WVU would have paid a little more attention to what's going on with their athletic programs. The funny thing is the story broke only because highly touted high school recruit Terrell Pryor couldn't keep his mouth shut. Apparently Rodriguez called Pryor to tell him about his plans to sneak out of Morgantown for the greener pastures of Ann Arbor before having the dignity of discussing his plans with WVU AD Ed Pastilong. But then again Pastilong is not a "Blue Chip" quarterback.

I think the loyal fans in the Mountain State have every right to be upset with Coach Rod. After he flirted with Alabama last year around this same time the university scrambled to raise enough money to keep him happy and he signed a contract extension. In his words after signing a deal through 2013 “Obviously I'm very excited to stay here and I plan on being here (WVU) a long time.” I suppose time is a matter of perception for Rodriguez.

At his press conference this morning I heard some of the same promises and declarations of loyalty that he made upon his arrival in Morgantown seven years ago. Kind of like a cheating spouse that gets caught. He really feels bad for his former players and the fans that pinned their hopes for a National Championship on his "Spread Offense".

Here's a news flash West Virginia...Rodriguez would never have won a BCS Championship for you and neither will he win one for the Wolverines. He is a horrible game day coach that refuses to adjust his game plan. His past losses to the University of South Florida, Louisville and most recently Pitt prove that.

Lets take this years Pitt game for example. WVU is a 28 point favorite and a shoe in for the BCS title game if only they beat a pathetic Panther team led by Dave Wannstedt, one of the worst coaches in the NCAA. After the dust settled WVU had folded like a lawn chair. Game stats....Owen Schmitt, the best fullback since Larry Csonka, touched the ball 2 times for 13 yards. Heisman candidate Steve Slaton carried 9 times for 11 yards. Freshman running back Noel Devine who got more press on his arrival than Brittany Spears does on a Saturday night had 7 carries for 11 yards. Now Devine is not a power back yet almost every time he touched the ball it was a play between the tackles. Seems like a perfect place to run a 5' 9" 170 pound speedster! Need short yardage late in the game to possibly pull off a comback win? Don't use Schmitt who can fall 5 yards! Slaton? 9 carries? What were they saving him for? Oh yeah, don't forget the QB Pat White, another Heisman hopeful that never got invited to the party. Injured thumb on his non-throwing hand in the first half. Sits out most of the game. Rodriguez puts him back in the game late in the fourth quarter where the All American completed a long pass on the last play. Only problem was the completion was to a security guard 20 yards out of the end zone. But he was the only one wearing gold in the vicinity.

Rodriguez cannot coach in a big game. Michigan will discover this in a short period of time. And the boosters will ask for his head and get it. And Coach Rod will end his career at some Division 3 school in North Dakota. I feel sorry for them already.

So the Douchebag Award goes to Coach Rich Rodriguez. And a Special Mini-Douche award to Athletic Director Ed Pastilong who can't seem to sober up long enough to keep his house in order.