BREAKING NEWS
In his first move as the new football coach at the University of Michigan, Rich Rodriguez has named "Dinky" as his Offensive Coordinator. Dinky has had extensive experience in the fast food industry but has not seen a football field since he was ejected from a game in 1998 for urinating on a goal post. Ever the innovator, Rodriguez was quoted as saying "Dinky is one of the best play callers in college football. His game day skills are unmatched." Dinky is best known for the "Taco Dive" offense he introduced when he was an assistant locker room coach at Schmengle Business College. His offense helped lead the "Schmengle Secretaries" to a 6-5 record in the "Who Gives A Damn" conference in 1992. When asked how he would deal with the likes of Ohio State and Notre Dame, Dinky responded "Hey homes, those pendejos' ain't seen sh** yet! Now get that fu*k**g tape recorder out of my face. You a cop dude?"
Coach Rodriguez has yet to name the remaining positions on his staff but reports indicate that he has contacted his long time friend and defensive genius Chico "The Blade" Juarez, who is up for parole in March 2008. Michigan fans have much to look forward too as Spring Practice is fast approaching.
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